Victoria I miss you!

My childhood friend committed suicide. She was not found for four days. When I got the call the first feeling was disbelief then next was guilt. Why hadn't I called? What could I have done? We had made promises of no matter what we would always be there for each other. She was by my side on my wedding day. We held each others newborn babies. Proclaiming we were aunts. Time changes things. I moved away her life fell apart. She always struggled with depression. I remember wanting her to just snap out of it. I never understood the depth of her pain. We learn so much looking back. I wish I would have known then what I know now. It is too late to change anything from the past but I can take al I have learned and not make the same mistakes again. I miss my friend today. I miss all that could have been. God is my hope and my comfort. Without the hope of heaven I could never bear the grief of having lost so many that I loved. Today I looked back and I wept as though it was today, but now I must live in the moment and move in to tomorrow. Jesus please carry me through.

The painful past, the memories come flooding in my mind.
What could have been, what never was, those you left behind. 
I want to rewind and fix it all was there something I could have done?
The guilt of knowing I was not there when you really needed someone.
I weep and mourn like it all happened just yesterday.
I cry out to my loving Father, please take the pain away.
Only you can save a soul,only you know why we grieve.
Only you, God can offer hope to those who will believe. 
Jesus heal my broken heart, once again I pray.
Heal the pain that fills my soul, please take it all away.
I will not know this side of heaven if there something I could have done.
So I wait for answers, resting in the arms of God's only Son.
Knowing, one day, someday all will be as it should.
Fully understanding how God makes all things good.
By Deborah Pinnell

Wonderstruck

Ever feel as if you are just going through the motions? Today I pondered how I got so far from where I used to be. How did I go from my awakening to a dark night in my spirit? At my highest point I was told what I was experiencing was called a mountaintop experience. I was offended. I thought i would forever feel His presence. I did not think i could breathe if I was too far from God.
Being in his presence is life. It is like nothing words could describe. You are left longing, all your lips can utter after a godly encounter is....more. Today I read "Wonderstruck" by Margaret Feinberg. She too has gone through what others would call the valleys, but I prefer her words "the sense of holy awe was replaced by unholy indifference." She goes on to say she "misplaced the marvel of a life lived with God." I want to be amazed again! I want so much to be in awe of the God who created all that is or ever will be. I am so excited to have a fresh perspective on how I need to get out of the rut I have been in. I need to pray for God to leave me Wonderstruck again. I need to expect more in order to see more. When you seek God, you find God. I have been distracted by the daily grind for far too long. I am so grateful to have been reminded that my God is the God of wonders, He alone can give life and I desperately want to live my life with eyes wide open, no more indifference for me! I want to discover all there is to know about my Savior this side of heaven.


Oh father of mercy, giver of grace.
We long for your presence, enter this place
Show us your glory, make our hearts see.
Your wonderous power, and your majesty.
We humble ourselves before our great king.
We bow down in worship, give up everything.
Our hearts desire is to know you more.
So open our eyes as never before.
Wonderful counselor, you are what we need.
So fill us, consume us, answer our pleas.
We cry out for Jesus, quickly lord come.
We hunger for you, let your will be done.
Mold us and shape us as you desire.
Refine us God with your consuming fire.
Forgive us our sins, as we too forgive.
Teach us your ways, help us to live.
For the glory of your magnificent name.
In all that we do, let it be proclaimed.
Let our tongues confess. To our knees we fall.
Jesus Christ is Lord of all!
By Deborah Pinnell

Living Hope this Christmas

What if Jesus came back this Christmas?

While searching the Bible for "living hope" i only found one verse that used the phrase. It was referring to Jesus' resurrection. Because He is alive we have hope over death. Because He did not die we have eternal life. So then I wondered what does "living hope" (resurrection) have to do with Christmas? It goes more along with Easter than Christmas.
Then I decided without Christmas there would be no Easter. It started with His birth, but praise GOD it did not end with His death. His resurrection brings us hope for Christmas's to come. Then the thought crossed my mind "what if Jesus came back this Christmas?"
Would we be too busy with decorations to notice? Would we be out getting those last minute gifts when those eastern skies parted? Could we fit the return of our Savior into our already packed schedules?
Wouldn't it be amazing if Jesus did come during the very season we celebrate His coming in the first place! The simple thought turned into hours of wonder and speculation. Of course no man knows the hour or the day and I am no prophet claiming to know He is coming on December 25, 2012, but I do know He is coming, I do believe we need to tell the whole world that Jesus Christ was born, died, was crucified, rose on the third day, returned to heaven, and is coming again! One day, someday, any day now, maybe even His birthday. Only our Father in heaven knows when, but we who have faith in Jesus Christ are hoping and expecting His triumphant return any day!
This Christmas take a moment to ponder what we are celebrating. Think about that first Christmas and then think about the last Christmas. The one where we get to celebrate our Risen Savior for all eternity.
I pray each and everyone of my brothers and sisters in Christ will have a very Merry Christmas this year,......And if you hear a loud noise in the middle of the night on Christmas eve, it may not be reindeer.

Living Hope

Hoping is not wishing, it's expecting.

We hope, we watch, we wait, for our savior to return.
The days, the nights, pass on by, we are left to yearn.
Longing, seeking, knowing the day is drawing near.
Our Savior is on His way to take us far from here.
The world will pass away and heaven will be revealed.
Our restless souls will be at peace, eternity is sealed.
Jesus Christ, our living hope, Is coming for His bride.
We will take our rightful place at our Saviors side.
We have this hope of heaven because Jesus is alive.
They tried to crucify Him, but love refused to die.
Death no longer has a sting, the grave was overthrown.
No fear or doubt can shake us now, we hope in Christ alone.

By Deborah Pinnell 10-26-12

1 Peter 1:3
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead

Safe in HIS arms.

While on my mission trip to Uganda I was working at a baby home feeding babies and loving on the littlest, sweetest orphans. I wanted to hold them all and just felt like i could have spent the whole 10 days there. A volunteer came into the nursery and asked if one of us could check in on a child that had been brought in that day. She said she was worried about her and felt bad leaving her. I immediately volunteered and headed to the isolation room. They kept them in there away from others until they could be checked out and cleared by a doctor. What i saw when i got there broke my heart. This child was in a dark room crying so hard she was hyperventilating. The sobs where gut wrenching. I immediately picked her up and tried to console her. She clung to me with a death grip and continued to sob. I tried rocking her in my arms and just rubbing her back and softly saying it's ok, it's ok. The sobs kept coming and my heart kept breaking for her.
As i was turning around in this small room i saw the sign on the door that read "isolation" I was taken back by that because when i was 8 years old i was in a children's home in an isolation room for three days. It was one of the hardest times of my life and to this day i tear up when i think about it. I was traumatized more by that than any abuse i had ever endured. After the second night there i was at a breaking point. I thought i was going to go crazy if i didn't talk to someone. So i cried out to GOD. I said if you are real please come i need you now and i can't bear to be alone any more. In that moment of desperation i felt HIS presence. It was if peace entered that room and felt that HE wrapped me in HIS arms and instantly my tears stopped and i fell asleep singing JESUS loves me to myself. I have never doubted if GOD was real in my life because i knew from that moment on that HE was real.
So there i stood in an isolation room in Uganda reliving the memory of that painful experience with this broken little girl. Knowing what it felt like to be alone, scared, confused, and desperate for arms to hold and comfort you. I felt so overwhelmed with all the emotions that i thought i would collapse when out of no where i just started to sing a song. A song that i had never heard before. Instantly i felt as if GOD were singing it to me and to her. That same peace i felt as a child was there in this room too. GOD was holding us both and as i sang she feel sound asleep. No sniffles or sobs just peaceful rest came over her. I stood there amazed at how Our GOD works through us. He allowed me to see that HE was holding us both and that HE had really never let me go, nor would HE ever let her go. She was safe in HIS arms for life; just as my life had been turned around so would this precious little girls life be in HIS capable hands. As i sang each line spoke through me was a message to me and to her. A short time later someone came to tell me it was time to go. I was afraid if i put her down she would start crying all over again and it would break my heart to leave her, but as i lay her down she was curled up just as peaceful as she had been moments before in my arms. That is when i realized that HE was still holding her. I left there feeling so blessed to have seen GOD at work. Knowing that when i get to heaven she will be there with stories of how GOD worked in her life and I left knowing that we both were HIS children and we both would be held for eternity safe in our Father's arms.

"Safe in HIS arms"
Safe in HIS arms, you are safe in HIS arms oh child.
He will never let you go, He's wanting you to know
That you are safe in HIS arms for life.
Safe in HIS arms, safe in HIS arms, you are safe in the arms of GOD.
He see's each tear you cry, has an answer for your why's
You are safe in HIS arms oh child.
Safe in HIS arms, safe in HIS arms, you are safe in the arms of GOD.
HE will never let you down, HE'll turn this life around
You are safe in HIS arms for life.
Safe in HIS arms, safe in HIS arms, you are safe in the arms of GOD.

Where did I go?

I was just not sensing GOD's presence lately. Like i had in the past. It is a slow fade sometimes. We just just off track a little bit, no big sin just get busy with life and lose focus, then we look around around and wonder how we got so far from GOD. Others may look at me and think that i am not living a sinful life, it's not like i am backsliding, i just know that my prayer life is not what it should be. I allow busy days to turn into busy weeks and before i know it i have become too busy for GOD. HE showed me this week where i have fallen short and i am so grateful for HIS correction. Thank you GOD for this revelation.


So this is the way you get my attention
this is the way you draw me back in.
You change my perspective and direction;
you open my eyes to see my own sin.
Broken and wounded i cry for your mercy;
desperately seeking to see your face.
Weeping and wanting to feel your presence;
passionately hoping to find my place.
You alone are my sustainer, You alone make me whole.
You alone are my GOD, you alone restore my soul.
No matter how far i stray away, i can always run back to you.
You patiently wait till i turn your way then you run to meet me too.
By:Deborah Pinnell
05-07-12

Why do I go?

People keep asking me "why are you going to Uganda?" I wrote this in response to that question.

Jesus changed my life; i am not the same.
You ask why i go? It's because HE came.
He left heaven behind to suffer and die.
I have no right to complain, or ever ask why.
Why me? Why there? What will i do?
None of that matters. LORD let me serve YOU!
There are souls that are starving, hungry for HIS word.
I must go and share all I have heard.
I know a truth the world is desperate to hear.
"You are never and alone, and you have nothing to fear. Jesus will carry your burdens; take away all your shame. He died for your sins, your'e the reason HE came."
Someone, somewhere needs to hear that today.
GOD hears their cries and now He's making a way.
HE calls on those who are asking "LORD what can i do?
I owe you my life, i want to serve you."
Leave all your comforts, follow me to the cross.
Go to the broken, show the way to the lost.
I sent others to you so you could be free.
So don't forget who you were before you knew me.
If you ever question should people really go.
Ask yourself this "What if no one ever let me know?"
By Deborah Pinnell 5-6-12