Saturday, July 20, 2013

Victoria I miss you!

My childhood friend committed suicide. She was not found for four days. When I got the call the first feeling was disbelief then next was guilt. Why hadn't I called? What could I have done? We had made promises of no matter what we would always be there for each other. She was by my side on my wedding day. We held each others newborn babies. Proclaiming we were aunts. Time changes things. I moved away her life fell apart. She always struggled with depression. I remember wanting her to just snap out of it. I never understood the depth of her pain. We learn so much looking back. I wish I would have known then what I know now. It is too late to change anything from the past but I can take al I have learned and not make the same mistakes again. I miss my friend today. I miss all that could have been. God is my hope and my comfort. Without the hope of heaven I could never bear the grief of having lost so many that I loved. Today I looked back and I wept as though it was today, but now I must live in the moment and move in to tomorrow. Jesus please carry me through.

The painful past, the memories come flooding in my mind.
What could have been, what never was, those you left behind. 
I want to rewind and fix it all was there something I could have done?
The guilt of knowing I was not there when you really needed someone.
I weep and mourn like it all happened just yesterday.
I cry out to my loving Father, please take the pain away.
Only you can save a soul,only you know why we grieve.
Only you, God can offer hope to those who will believe. 
Jesus heal my broken heart, once again I pray.
Heal the pain that fills my soul, please take it all away.
I will not know this side of heaven if there something I could have done.
So I wait for answers, resting in the arms of God's only Son.
Knowing, one day, someday all will be as it should.
Fully understanding how God makes all things good.
By Deborah Pinnell

1 comment:

  1. i'm so sorry for your loss. stay strong, don't give up. ;(